Tinder, Bumble, Bristlr (for those who just want to rub a good beard), Grindr, or the other list of endless examples out there, many thousands of people are dipping their toes in the online dating pool. Unfortunately, what most people don’t realise is that these are also a hive of quite nefarious people – from catfishes, to romance scammers, and everything in between; here are 10 ways to stay safe on dating sites.
First, some definitions:
Catfishing
Catfishing is the practice of creating a fictional person, using fake photos, social media profiles, and even faked video calls. This fictional person often looks nothing like the real individual carrying out this practice.
Romance scams
Not to be confused with catfishing, as these could be real people. Romance scams are the practice of gaining an individual’s trust over a period of time before ultimately asking for money, gifts, or banking/credit details. Often these people are located in another country – a common tactic is having you send them money for airline travel, but never arrive.
How to stay safe on online dating websites & apps
1: Listen to your gut
I’m going to start with the most important tip that I could possibly give anyone: listen to your gut.
Your gut instinct has never let you down before, so why stop listening to it now? If something feels wrong, then it more than likely is.
Never ignore what your gut is telling you.
2: Keep an eye out for fake photos
As mentioned, catfishing is the practice of creating a fake online persona – the first step in doing this often is by using fake i.e. not theirs, photos.
How to identify fake photos
- Do the photos look professionally taken? That is, does it look like a photo shoot more than something amateurishly taken? The below image is a great example of this.
- Do they have just 1 – 3 photos? Most people would have 3+ photos on their online dating profiles. If they have just 1 – 3, then something is suspicious.
- The above photo illustrates this point perfectly. They’re only using 2 photos and one is obviously professionally taken.
- Are they using a famous/known/royal person? Chances are – it isn’t them. I’ve honestly seen this way too many times.
You can also check if a photo is fake by heading over to a service called TinEye, which allows people to upload photos and uses recognition technology to see if they originated from somewhere else.
Pro-tip:
Using an online dating app on your phone?
Simply take a screenshot of the image and email it to yourself!
If it did originate from someone else, TinEye will show you where.
There is a stipulation here, unfortunately: this will only work if the person hasn’t applied a filter to the photo. If someone’s photos are heavily filtered, then this should raise a red flag for you. Request that they send you non-filtered photos.
3: Stay on the online dating website or app until you feel comfortable
A common tactic used by those who catfish and romance scammers is quickly requesting to move the discussion to somewhere outside of the website or app that you connected on. They may ask for your Snapchat, Instagram, phone number, or email address. Inform them that you would feel more comfortable staying on the website or app for the foreseeable future.
4: Video calls can also be fake – be aware of this
In #2, we covered how you can check to see if someone’s photos are genuine or not. Another great way of also checking if someone is genuine is by doing a video call with them. However, it’s possible to actually fake video calls over Skype/FaceTime/WhatsApp.
How you can spot a fake video call
- Video quality: the video quality on these videos will often be poor. If a video call looks of unusually poor quality, look for watermarks or strange sizing. They may have stolen the video from somewhere else and either forgot to remove the watermark or resized the video to remove it. Do the proportions look off?
- Length of call: is the call unusually short? As in, do they just show their face and hang up? Chances are, it might be a fake video.
- Level of interaction: Is the person interacting with you? Are they saying your name or responding visually to anything you say? If you ask the person to, say, wave their hand a certain way or make a silly face, do they? If they don’t, then it’s a fake call.
5: Don’t share personal details
As mentioned in #3, a common tactic is that they will try to move quickly from where you connected. If you wish to do this, stick with apps that do not require exchanging phone numbers.
How to be careful with your personal details
- Choose Snapchat over Instagram – you would be more likely to publish personal information on the latter rather than the former.
- Create a separate Snapchat username than you’d use in your day-to-day life; make sure this username doesn’t contain your first name or last name (seriously, I don’t know how many times someone has had their Snapchat username as Anne.McScully (a name I made up on the spot, sorry to any Anne McScully’s out there!).
- If you wish to move beyond these, create new email addresses
- Even consider getting a new phone number that you only use for online dating (this is actually something I do personally, in instances where I’m not certain enough). Depending on your country, you should be able to get pre-paid SIM only plans.
Be careful with the information you share – if possible, don’t tell people:
- your pet’s names
- parent’s names (including mother’s maiden name)
- where your bank is
- or any information like that.
All of the above could potentially open you up to identity scams!
6: Don’t send anyone any money
As mentioned in the definitions section, a common tactic used in Romance Scams is gaining someone’s trust before requesting that they send you money. They may seem desperate, they may give you a big sob story and may become more aggressive if you keep turning them down.
I would advise that you never send money to anyone while on a dating site (or before you meet them/have a number of dates together), no matter how genuine & sincere they seem and how much you care for them. If this happens, alarm bells should start ringing & red flags should start waving.
7: Be careful about the kind of photos you send
Let’s be honest here, sending photos of a … certain nature … can be quite a fun and thrilling aspect to dating in general.
If you do want to send risqué photos
- Don’t include anything identifiable. Your face is the obvious one. Keep your face out of all risqué photos you send. But alongside that – do you have any tattoos? Identifiable moles or freckles? If so, keep these out of the photo.
- Stick to apps that include auto-deletion. Instagram, Signal, & Snapchat all include the ability to delete photos upon viewing. However, be aware that a person can take screenshots, especially on Snapchat. If you go this way, set the view-time to only the bare minimum few seconds.
The obvious advice is this: don’t send anyone on dating sites any risqué photos. You’re opening yourself up to blackmail or revenge porn.
But you’re an adult – just know the risks before you do it.
8: Don’t visit any external websites
Something I’ve personally seen quite often are profiles that contain URLs in the profile image itself or in the person’s bio. It might be something like:
“Find me on flingbook” or something along those lines.
Don’t go to these websites. If you see these, report these profiles (see tip #10) & ignore them.
9: Stay safe when meeting someone from online dating sites or apps
Let’s be honest here: the ultimate goal behind online dating sites & apps is meeting in person. Yet alongside catfishes & romance scams, there’s a whole other side of dangerous people.
How to stay safe when meeting someone in person:
- Let people know you’re going on a date. Give them the date, time, & location of the date. Provide them with as much information as possible.
- Let them know when you’ve finished the date, so they know you got home safely.
- Choose a public area. Either a restaurant, the cinema, a café, or anywhere like that. If you’re going for a coffee & a walk (a personal favourite of mine), ensure that you go somewhere that is well-lit and has other people nearby.
- Listen to your gut. Referring back to #1. If something feels wrong, then it probably is. Walk away.
- Allow the other person to arrive first. This might seem like a bit of a mind-game, but it’s actually a useful tip. Allow the other person to arrive first and stand out of sight to ensure they are who they say they are.
- If going to a pub, drink responsibly. Going to the pub is a favourite of many people. If you do want to go to a pub, drink responsibly – at least for the first date. This is all about keeping a clear head.
10: Report any dangerous profiles or any you’re suspicious of
The only way we can truly stay safe on online dating sites & apps is if we report dangerous profiles or any that you’re suspicious of. All dating sites and apps will have a Report functionality on there.
If you’ve identified a romance scammer, a catfish, anyone dangerous (threatening physical/sexual/verbal abuse), or you’ve just found someone you found super suspicious, report the profile.
But don’t abuse this feature: you shouldn’t report someone just because you’ve had a disagreement with them.
If we all report these profiles, then we’re all taking a step towards keeping online dating sites & apps safe and secure for all of us.
And there you go! 10 ways to stay safe with online dating sites & apps. But try not to be too paranoid – just a little paranoid.
The process of online dating sites & meeting someone should be enjoyable! So make sure you have fun, too!